Thursday, May 24, 2012


Hold onta yer hats, Ladies & Germs cause here is:
De Zero Tolerance Ecology Radical Chic(lets) De Semper Twelfth Too Tao Sound und Twelfeth             Deckler Nonzen Animation: 
We, de tiniest bits of Conshishness in de Youniverse declare that it is in here ant an' termite in Our Rites dat: Everything & Everybody should be put in a steel riveted Titanium (pinewood, aluminium foil or toilet forwud/slash paper towels will do if titanium ain't abailable) Coffin & berried in de olde cellar Coal Bin, Dust Bin, Osama Bin, Cistern (I prefer the olde spellig, Cystern, like in dat famus Willem Woodsworm poem Cystern Abby Road) or just an olde whole in de growne. (A Coal Pit Mime or Jerry Quarry will do just fine. Clay or Ali, but Larry Holmes, Dr. Watson finely admits dat hiz now gud bud Gerry Cooney nearly kixed hiz butt. Frack it, ma man!). As a freud of mime sed jus yestaday az he took off hiz jung mask: "Dat sucka was actin' like an aminal, so I kixed him in his convict shins."
        Just kiddin'. Huh? T'ink so? Well, said de Driller: "I stand up for all Creaturehoods. It's the nature of me beast. Just yesterday I beet dis guy up for boilin some poor old broccoli. What a bunch of Borschtit! Stuff was already turnin' yellow. Disgustin'."
        No walkin' on de ground- fuhget about ants, cause yah step on poor little atoms & squash dem two! We shud be Pro-Tonic & Quinine & Seltzer & Uradicate everything & nuthin', even New-trons or Old-trons, even Disney Trons. Czarists who play "Stairway to Heaven" badly or anyzway. Harpists, Tubists, Cubists, Proto-Neanderthalists, Neo-Darwinists, Rad Creationists, Accordian & Uillean Bagpiper trainees & Bodhran (it's pronownced Bow-Ran, yah idjet.) Drum Wannabeez (T'ink of annee udders? Gotta be phunnee. Add 'n commenz at de end, plz.). Nihilists go foist. Den de Anarchists.
        Sorry yu fewk up guys, but Nihilists get 1st pik by default. Den dah Dentists get ta drill rite up de noivess channel if'n dey don cummit sue-his-hide foist. Afta dat of curse, we do the Banka's, de Politishins, de Lawyuhs, de Dicktaters, de TV Ankorpersons, all de lousy Docturs who skrewed ye up & den the Talk Show Hoists. Any olde Nuns who are still breathin' who uzed de metal edged 18" yardstick on me next. Mark Zuckerberg gets thrown to de IPO masses face foist & dressed up like Joan of Arc or the last Grand Master of de Nights Temple, Jack De Mowlay.
       All de Lizard Bludd Alien Conspiratorial IllumiNazi Zombie Ridiculously Rich Rulers get 5 seconds to Morph B4 cremeation. Okay, 3 seconds. Maybe the Pope & the Buddhists who are crybabies anyways like the Quakers, or polymorphic like de Mormans. We shud let Moslems & Vikings cut dere own heds off if dey want, or we cud blow em up on a burning pyre wit de native Americans & Neo-Pagons. Hindooz shud be given a chance to drown in the sacred rivah Gangjeez.
        Den I wuz t'inkin' maybe we shud let de Roamin' Catliks have a go in the arena wid de Prods. But I don wanna effendi anyun by leibin dem out. I wanna make sure dat evereebuddy iz effended equallee. Dats we're my reeders come in. Gimmee who I left out. Proddastand & Apeathist Ziontists shud be made to buy their own stuff & eat their genetically altered products be4 dey get the getgo. Badd Spellars get extra bonersusses.
        I personilly got it in fer de guys who made the old Doublemint Chewing Gum commershuls. Fur a billion ears my soul will still see dere uglee, banal subway ads & here dere obnoxshuss twiddle jingleshite. Twin Burnings at de stake fer dem. I garantee dat. Well, okay, dats a lil anger management problum, I suppose. I can pass on dat. Sorry.
        I wuz t'inkin' we shud go afta de Surrealists, but dere alreddy ded, like de Commies who hab tranzfermed inta Radical, Kriminal Kapitalist Pigs.(KGB: Kapitalist Geocriminal Basturds)  And dem Soshulists! Don't even shoot dem, jus' let em root. Now yah can't bury de right wing or de left wing only, cause de poor old eagle won't be able to fly, sose we gotta burry de hole boid. Yikes. I lubs de pretty tweets of de boids & de flours smell. Oyl Well!
         Und de Republikrats & Demopublicanz get to play Monopoly to see who goes foist. No passin' but go directly to zappoland. Afta dat we drop the Libberalls on top uv de Libraryatarians & let dem duke it out. No matta who wins, dey both get the zap. Then, Bang! Zoom! Boom! No more problema's.
         And dem Rice Paddy's, dose Irish Vegetarians shud be all transported to de saltit mines of Silicon Valley. I wuz t'inkin' maybe we shud let de stinkin' cummedians live up until de end, but I'm waverin' on dat. I'm gonna be up all nite t'inkin' about all the personhoods & creaturehoods I left out. I wuz also t'inkin about Elimmunation Trials.
          Ya know: USA vs Russia. LA vs NYC. Boston vs de NY Yankees( to be kind we'll let Boston get 1st licks). China vs Japan. Germany vs France. Ireland vs Ireland. Korea vs Korea. Africa vs Monsanto. South America vs Miami. Israel vs Palestine. Iraq & Iran. India & Pakistan. Mexico vs Canada. Iceland vs Greenland. Microsoft vs Apple. GM vs Honda. Coca Cola vs Pepsi. MickeyDee vs Bugger Queen. Toyota vs Hundai. Subaru vs Subaru.
          It jus goz on & on. I'm gettin' fired up jus t'inkin' uv de pozzabilitees. Scotland vs England. If Scotland loses den England vs Wales & Scotland goes to de end of de line. If England loses dey get 2 play China.(Don't ask, I know, what if Japan beats China? We'll work it out.). If Wales loses, den dey gets to fite de Isle of Mann wit dere hands tied behind dere backs to keep England & if England wins it gets to fite the Fewkand Islands & Isabel Peron(okay we'll let Argentina stand in for her) & if de forma wins, its England vs Everybody. Is dat fair? I don't care, I'm Irish. It's called revenge. better watch out, cause I may be predjudiced & let the Irish survive to rule the hirsute empty planet.
         But of course, dats if dere's anybuddy left. Omigud? Cud ole Mudder England be de last land standin'? Anybuddy out dere can gib me sum hep wit sum more?  You know youse gots tons uv dem buzzin' in yer heds. Rite? C'mon now, yah noz yah kan do it. Whaddya say?